I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
