the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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