we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
