I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
