the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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