I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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