we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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