i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
