eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
