She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
