I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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