So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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