hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
