Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
