3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
