Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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