she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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