fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
