just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Shame - the story of my life.
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