Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
