Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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