you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
