You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
