the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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