C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
