??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
