mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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