I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
