Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am midnight drunk by noon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
