Umm I'm too high to move.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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