we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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