Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
