At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
