im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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