Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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