apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
