You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
