what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
