Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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