Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
