Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize