so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
