After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
