weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
