if you like me you must not know who I am
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
