i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
