Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
