Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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