thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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