I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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