found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
