New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
