Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
