The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
