Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
