Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
