I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
