a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
