she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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