Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
