I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
